The lost generation

"[Return to Oz] talks about the problems of the homogenisation of the gay community and people losing themselves in self-deprecation, then losing themselves in an escape that's not a positive escape. It's a retracting from reality."
~ Baby Daddy [Scissor Sisters]

Self-expression, individuality and diversity became virtually outlawed at the height of the North American commercial scene's acceptance of crystal around 2003, where its use went hand in hand with a fascist-like mentality that embraced an exaggerated, thug-like hyper-masculinity; worshipped the grotesque distortions of steroid and human growth hormone abuse; and drawled in a stunted, monosyllabic vocabulary. Where those that dared to remain spirited, self-expressed and distinctive from the caricatured conformity of the robotic herd were rendered invisible by cold, empty eyes that neither registered nor acknowledged their existence.

"The message of Jesus was always to ignore the stereotype, the label, the identity – in order to observe the soul beneath how a person actually behaves. One of his most famous parables was that of the Good Samaritan, a man who belonged to a group despised by mainstream society. But it was the despised man who did good, while all the superficially respected people walked on by."
~ Andrew Sullivan [Gay writer and activist]

Gay America's cancerous crystal culture, like the corresponding rise in unsafe sex and the senseless, futile aggression of enforced masculinity, is the manifestation of internalised homophobia taken to a new extreme of self-loathing; one that is, perversely, transforming healthy, vital young men into decaying, withered husks; the very antithesis of the sought after aesthetic ideal. Meth has flourished and prevailed amid a climate of disempowerment, fear and denial. One that has prevented a lost generation of gay men from summoning the courage to speak one simple truth: 

"Guys, we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves, because if we don't change the way we think and behave – and unless we start looking out for ourselves and each other – then very soon our community will implode and we will end up destroying ourselves."

It may not have come to this in cities like London, Cape Town or Amsterdam, yet, but Tina is sure as hell working on it…

Of course, many gay men do live happy, contented lives away from the gay hubs while others dip into the scene and occasionally use drugs solely to enhance already positive mindsets and pleasurable experiences. Many gay men drawn to the escapism of the scene, however, use drugs specifically to break down their invisible mental barriers and be liberated from their fear-based ego boundaries, enabling them to communicate in social situations and stimulate an intimacy with others that they would otherwise find almost impossible to achieve. For such individuals, as the high wears off the heart centre clamps shut again and the mind's negative chatter kicks back into gear as barriers of fear snap back into place.

"I think addiction is a spiritual disease. The inclination to use drugs, at least for me, came out of a feeling of not belonging – not being connected to some feeling of wellbeing… Our intention when we use drugs is to communicate with God but because we're not spiritually equipped to do that, we're damaged when we try that shortcut. It's like a child seeing a beautiful flame and wanting to touch it, not knowing it will burn them."
~ Patrick Moore [Author of Tweaked]

Drugs are a catalyst to heightened states of mind and consciousness that are accessible naturally but which few possess the calmness or patience necessary to reach without. They provide a potentially fatal shortcut to the heart centre's authentic power source hidden beneath the addict's armour-plated barriers of fear. Socially excluded and marginalised gay men especially crave the interconnectedness and escape from reality that drugs provide a short cut to, but using drugs to quiet the mind and anaesthetise psychological scarring is akin to applying a Band Aid to a festering wound that won't heal; the underlying issues resurface when the high wears off. From feeling confident and invincible whilst high, the rest of the time the user's behaviour ranges from aloof to arrogant to self-righteous as he confines himself to the inner prison of his mind's incessant, negative chatter, which crystal meth exacerbates more than any other drug.

A fearful individual, detached from his heart centre and positive feelings, identifies solely with his ego-driven thoughts which seek only to isolate him and deprive him of love. 

Effectively he functions like a computer: he plugs into external energy sources; thinks logically based only on the information he has been programed with; his behaviour is cold, mechanical and calculated; and he can't begin to comprehend anything that cannot be perceived with his five discernible senses (sight, smell, sound, taste, touch). He has fallen for the ego's deceit: that he is separate and alone, a grain of sand in the universal scheme of things, and so his survival is driven by an ultimately endless, empty and meaningless quest for external power in order to be noticed and validated.
Instead of going within to find the truth, perfection and completeness he desperately searches for outside of himself, he deludes himself into believing that he can quench his emptiness and achieve constant peace of mind by striving to be even more competitive, ruthless and controlling – actions which serve only to amplify his unhappiness and depressive state of mind.
 
By contrast, someone whose personality is aligned to his heart, or soul, is in tune with, and guided by, his feelings, or sixth sense: the psychic connection to a profound sense of peace and purpose. An inner knowing that he is already complete and perfect as he is and that his existence is as meaningful as anyone else's; only his experience is different. His sixth sense imbues him with intuition and empathy which navigate him through life's maze with minimal effort and maximum return, as if guided by a higher power. Big houses and fast cars are nice accessories, but objects are not the key to his happiness and fulfilment.

In the competitive, chaotic, judgmental maelstrom in which American culture and globalism thrives, is it any wonder that people's feelings/sixth sense rarely get a look in, or that millions are dosed up on legally prescribed but dangerous antidepressants? Anyone can aspire to the so-called "American dream", but at what cost? By changing your body shape with steroids and HGH? Resorting to plastic surgery? Or setting out to aggressively compete with anyone and everyone in the deluded belief that overcoming the multitude of pressures 'out there' will somehow make you happy and fulfilled? In doing so, however, the multitude of problems 'in here' continue to go ignored and that empty void within aching to be filled grows ever louder.

The only way to overcome the illusion of fear and to feel complete, fulfilled and truly at peace with yourself is to reconnect to your heart centre and its unlimited and unconditional source of authentic power – love. Which means commencing the process of rediscovering the person you have always denied existed: the person you really are…