Along with the other horrors of trying to get off drugs or alcohol, is the realization that you have lost your children to chase your habit. It may not be your fault, and domestic abuse could be part of the problem that led to drug use.
What I’m going to do here is help you change that with some simple steps you can take. I’m going to talk you through the top 10 best ways to help regain custody after drug abuse. None of them are a magic bullet. But done together, over time, alongside a positive attitude, you can get your life back on track.
I’ve seen people lose everything. I’ve seen them lose houses, and marriages, and I’ve seen their houses be used by cuckoos and ripped to pieces. I’ve seen the children taken away and the pain it brings for everyone, especially them.
But you can get the kids back, and your life back, if you are prepared to totally kick the habit and everything around it, and consistently do the things that will get noticed and help get people on your side.
1. Join And Shout About The Programs You Are On
You must join every single help program that you can. Every support group, every network of people trying to get better. Do everything you can to show that you are actively getting support to improve yourself.
But more than that, you have to shout about it. So tell the relevant people. Keep details, show the courts, show social workers, everyone.
Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help so you can be seen to take it. Ask for help from all of the authorities you deal with, and make lots of enquiries, so that there is a documented trail that you can point to show that you are trying to get better in order to regain custody and build a relationship with your kids.
2. Everything You Do Is Now About Stability And Demonstrating It
The courts, the authorities, child protection, all of them are looking for change and stability. Nobody is going to give you custody back unless you can demonstrate it.
That’s also the case with the other parent if that’s applicable. They are not going to relinquish custody in an unstable situation. They are likely to have issues with you because of what happened, and are going to be very suspicious.
Therefore, everything you do must be about demonstrating and gaining stability. Housing, work, savings, and interpersonal relationships, all of it must be stable and decent.
If you do struggle, and you face a drug test because of it, you could use a detox drink (especially if it’s an observed test), or even synthetic urine, to make sure that you pass and maintain that stability.
If drug testing could be the difference between success and failure, use the options out there. The best ways to get completely clean again is to do a natural detox and to use detox pills to speed that up. But don’t let falling off the wagon once ruin everything.
3. Understand The Actual Situation You Are In (Permanent Or Temporary)?
You’d be amazed how many people are so confused about what’s happened that they don’t actually understand the decisions that were made around the custody.
A lot of people think they have been permanently removed from the custody of their children when in actual fact it’s a temporary order. It can be muddling and confusing, especially when your head is a mess.
The first thing to do is to speak to anyone official you can who knows you and the case. Find out the exact details and paperwork, and make sure you are 100% clear on the status, duration, and conditions around the custody orders in place.
4. Get The Other Parent On Board
This should be obvious, but, if possible, you need to get the other parent on board with helping you to get custody back.
They may be reluctant, but you have to try and build bridges. Even if it’s just a few hours a week, a trial, and a discussion about an end result, you should open the conversation. If they aren’t on board, and they have custody, then there’s no way on earth that they are going to give you anything.
So look at how you can connect with them and get some discussions going on having time with the children so that they can see you are being responsible.
But don’t mention custody in the beginning. Don’t jump the gun and panic them. Just talk about a few hours a week to see your kids and bond with them. You have to take baby steps because everyone is going to be skeptical and suspicious of you.
5. Ditch Your Old Life And The People In It
In order to show everyone around you that you are moving on, you need to ditch your old life completely.
So anyone related to drugs has to go. Friends, acquaintances, even the person next door if they took drugs with you or sold on to you. You have to move; you have to get away from it all.
There are two reasons for this. Firstly, it’s to get rid of temptation. If the people are around you is going to be too easy to get drugs like meth, or whatever, and slip back into the old ways. Plus, those people will try and drag you back in. It’s what they do.
Secondly, you need to be seen to ditch your old life. Nobody is going to give you custody back if you are still hanging around in the same bad places with the same bad people.
So be ruthless. If you took drugs with them, if you think they might lead you back in, if they have access to drugs and could you back into the crystal meth, then ditch them.
6. Complete All Court Contingencies
Whatever the court contingencies are, you have to abide by them and deal with them.
You have to show that you are willing to change and willing to do everything they tell you in order to stand the best chance of getting your children back.
Make sure you are communicating at all times as well. Both on your progress, and on problems you are facing. Honesty at this time will also really help you if they can see you are desperate to get clean and make a fresh start.
7. Work On Providing A Safe Environment
Whatever your situation you must work on providing a safe environment for children. That means no drug takers, no drugs, and in a place where anyone could see children could be happy. You may not be able to do that straight away. But with money and support from local authorities, it is possible.
Whatever your situation, wherever you are, work at making it as safe as possible and be seen to be doing it. That’s half the battle, especially in the beginning.
8. Work On Your Strength And Attitude
You won’t do this for yourself or your children unless you get the strength and positive attitude to not take drugs and to be a parent.
As you are kicking your drug habit, or whatever drug or alcohol problem you have, then you need to work on your attitude. It’s going to be tough and you will be in a bad place at times. But the kids and social workers mustn’t see that.
So work on your personal strength in your attitude. Be strong and positive, look forward, and show people you are doing that. Use apps, courses, coaches, whatever you can to develop positive mental attitude and personal strength.
If you really are struggling, an alternative to heavy drugs like meth is kratom. Good quality red kratom will really chill you out and calm you down, and give you some relaxing and peace. White kratom will slightly energize you and chill you out as well. Small doses can perk you up and give you some positivity while minimizing anxiety.
9. Provide Money And A Home (And Shout About It)
You may not be able to do it, but work towards getting money in the home. Talk to the local authorities, whoever you can, to try and get some proper accommodation.
Try and work in conjunction with everyone to get somewhere where you can feel safe in progress, and your children can spend an increasing amount of time and safety as well.
Work hard at your job, save money, provide what you can, and make the best of the environment you have. These seem to be doing that as well, because they need to see you are making progress and are trying so hard to get somewhere that your children could potentially live, even if only part-time.
10. Strengthen The Bond With Your Children (Where You Can)
Finally, nothing is going to work if the kids don’t want you. You may have burned some bridges with your habit. They may be scared of you, they may not even particularly like you if you destroyed the other parent and their lives.
So do things a bit at a time. Just a few hours per week of positive bonding and doing something nice can really help. It can also show that you are determined to be clean and are trying to do the right thing.
Even if it has to be supervised, don’t get depressed. Be positive that you are still in a situation where you have a chance.
You’ll want to try and build bridges with the other parent/carer as well, so they will give you the time and the chance to strengthen the bond with your children so that they start to indirectly pressure everyone around them to give you a chance and let them spend time with you.
